How I Feel About Housework

How I Feel About Housework

If you would have asked me as a child how I felt about housework, I would have declared (emphatically!) that I hated it! My Mother was a bit of a perfectionist and so we were taught to be thorough. That took so much of the fun out of it! Our favorite style of doing housework was putting on an ABBA tape, dancing around and goofing off. Of course, not much work actually got done that way!

 Dusting and vacuuming weren’t so bad. Even though we lived on a gravel road, we didn’t have that many knick-knacks; it was mainly wiping off the book shelves and windowsills. We had a large floor space, it wasn’t too cluttered, so that isn’t what we hated doing.

We did dread doing the bathrooms! Scrubbing out toilets is horribly gross to young girls! But, that only happened once every week to ten days, so even that wasn’t the worst job. The title of the worst job was reserved for the nightly chore of washing dishes.

Though we begged for a dishwasher to help us wash, my Dad told my sister and I that we both had two dishwashers, one on the end of each arm! So, off to the sink and drain rack each night we went.

Mom insisted on scalding hot water. She would check it, too, to make sure it was hot enough to pass her approval. No lukewarm water allowed in our sinks! She taught us to run our fingers over the surface of the dishes to make sure that it was not only sight clean, but touch clean as well.

I vowed I would never make myself be so demanding about housework when I grew up. Alas! The old proverb about training up a child in the way they should go is true. As the years went by, I suddenly realized I didn’t want my dishes to be less than spotless. I didn’t want a dirty bathroom or dusty shelves. Not only had I acclimated to housework, I had actually grown to thrive on it!

I find now that I can take pride in the beauty of a clean house. I am not obsessive about cleaning, but I do find the pleasure is in the reward of its own job well done. Not only do I like caring for my house and making a welcoming environment for my family and friends, but I have begun training my children to help me clean now.

Of course, they are at the balking and obstinate phase of (resisting) housework, but I have every hope of creating a lover of cleanliness and pleasantness in them eventually. At least we have an electric dishwasher now – they should be grateful for that!

How ironic that we can come to enjoy something we never dreamed we would even want to do! It’s kind of funny actually and a good life lesson.

© 2012  Amy Kallberg Bambilla. All Rights Reserved.

The Sweetness of the Stolen Moment

The Sweetness of the Stolen Moment

What is in our human nature that takes joy at the reprieve of time meant to be spent in one pursuit, but instead is granted to us, unexpectedly, like a gift, to be used for something else? So often that feeling of catching up on our day, by having one element of it re-scheduled or even eliminated, recharges and invigorates us like nothing else can. We indulge in the sweetness of the stolen moment.

First memories of stolen moments include those few minutes between when we are called by our parents but before we actually come. Whether it’s in the morning before we have to get up or when we are outside at play and it’s time for dinner, those few moments between the warning call and the final threat are those sweet little stolen moments. They represent independence in a small measure, the last savor of freedom before another’s schedule is imposed on us.

As we get older, stolen moments come in more mature ways such as standing on the porch with a date ten minutes after curfew. Technically we are at home, but still stealing precious minutes of delicious flirtation. Our heart beats wildly for a few more seconds before we must go in and re-live the evening in our minds. The last drop of sweet reality before time turns into memory.

Maybe it’s staying home “sick” from school even though we just had a headache that quickly went away with a dose of aspirin. The guilty pleasure of a day to lounge and watch TV rather than sit in class is all the more sweet because we have been given the perfect excuse to be lazy. In fact, it is almost expected of us on such days. It removes the guilt and makes it pure pleasure indeed.

As an adult, stolen moments are much harder to come by. Consequences for stealing a few extra minutes of sleep are greater when it causes us to be late for work rather than simply tardy for school. However, the guilty pleasures are there to be found. Going shopping with girlfriends when we should be doing our laundry makes the time spent more fun, even though in the back of our minds we are already searching for ways to compensate for our indulgence. And speaking of indulgence, who among us hasn’t sworn to ourselves that we will work out an extra half hour tomorrow to make up for eating a decadent dessert tonight?

The relief of a canceled appointment that gives us an extra few minutes makes our day so blessedly fresh, almost like a renewal. It brings back energy to our day. There is also joy in finishing an appointment early. It becomes time saved to put toward the next task, getting us ahead of ourselves and therefore closer to the successful end of a long day. These are the stolen moments that make us happy, even if we are not consciously aware of it.

If adulthood brings its difficulties in finding stolen moments, parenthood multiplies those difficulties by ten! The sweet relief of napping while the baby naps trumps cleaning the house even though it’s an opportunity to clean without interruption. What mother hasn’t gone into the bathroom to do “number one” but let her family think she needs more time just so she could finish a magazine article in peace and quiet? How many parents have ‘taken a nap’ (wink, wink!) while the kids watched a movie just to find some time together when they aren’t so tired they fall asleep with good intentions and wishful thinking? Somehow desperation compels us to find and steal the moments from our schedule. Our sanity demands it.

Stolen moments, somehow their sweetness sustains us. There is an element that satisfies us when we give ourselves that permission to behave a bit irresponsibly. Duty will always be waiting for us. The unrelenting pressure remains our taskmaster, keeping constant vigil over our time. That’s why the delightful moments when our taskmaster’s eyes are averted and we slip away from the demands of life to a few stolen minutes of reckless abandonment makes the experience sweeter. We know that there are things to be done, tasks to be accomplished, responsibilities to carry out. To grant ourselves the extravagance of being carefree returns us to the real world with a lighter heart, ready again to shoulder our load and accept the limits of a planned schedule. We can do so because we anticipate the next opportunity for the sweetness of a future stolen moment.

(C) 2012 Amy Bambilla. All Rights Reserved.

Adventures in House Keeping

Adventures in House Keeping

Ladies and Gentlemen!! Welcome to our game show—Adventures in House Keeping, where you can clean it up for cash! I’m your host, Jay Frisbee and today our contestants will be facing the challenge of cleaning out under their couch cushions. Remember, there are prizes for the most disgusting item, the item missing the longest and the most unrecognizable object we find. There are also points we award for the most stains on the cushions, the condition of the throw pillows, the general appearance of the couch overall and the history of the piece. Now let’s meet our contestants.

With us today are two home makers. Contestant A is from the nearby metropolis of Greenburgtowne. She has two children, one in middle school and the other in high school. Her husband works at an insurance company and she is a receptionist at a dental office. Please give a warm welcome to….. Sally Ann Johnson!

Contestant B hails from the suburbs of Smithville City. She has three children, ages 7, 3, and 10 months. Her husband works at the local tire factory and she serves as secretary for the PTO at President Calvin Coolidge Elementary School. Put your hands together for Loretta Rinehart!

Now, Sally and Loretta, shake hands and join me here on the stage. Please stand beside your respective couches which we have brought into the studio for today’s competition. We have already had our panel of judges evaluate their physical condition as well as that of the throw pillows. These results will be revealed later in the show.

First, we will move to the history of your furniture. Sally, as everyone can see, your couch is the microfiber piece with three cushions and two matching throw pillows. Can you please tell our audience how long have you had these couches and where did you get them?

 “Thank you for having me today, Jay, and hello to the audience here in the studio and out in TV land. We bought this couch at the Discount Barn about five years ago. This is part of our living room set. Our kids have been kind of hard on the furniture in the last couple of years. They have a lot of friends over so it has seen quite a bit of wear and tear.”

Thank you, Sally; now we go to our next contestant. Loretta, your couch is this floral, tapestry looking print with two large cushions and three unmatched throw pillows. Loretta, where did you get this piece and how long have you had it?

“Hi Jay! Hi everybody! We got this sofa from my parents when we got married nine years ago. They were buying a new set, so we got this one. It’s been in our family room for the last three years. It’s a real sturdy piece, if we want it to look nice for company; we just throw a blanket over it.”

Thank you, Loretta. Now we will move to the portion of our show where we give you five minutes to clean underneath your cushions and display your findings. As you know, we have left your cushions untouched during the move from your houses to our studio. Ladies, assume your positions and please use the trays we have provided for the items you find. Ready ladies? Go!! Audience you may enjoy the music while the ladies are now digging frantically for the items that may bring them prizes and cash.

Okay, girls, time is up! Let’s see what you have uncovered in the past five minutes. Sally, we’ll begin with you. On your tray I see three forks, two spoons, a ball point pen, an egg timer, a crushed paper cup with dried soda drops, two socks – not matching, a hand towel smeared with paint, bread crumbs, a handful of popcorn kernels some partially chewed, the entertainment section of the newspaper dated two months ago, wilted lettuce leaves, a moldy watermelon rind, a sandal, a golf ball, two dice and four markers for a board game, half a candy bar and $1.87 in change. What a good variety of items, Sally. Can you tell me which item has been missing the longest?

“Well, Jay, I think it’s a toss-up between the hand towel and the sandal. I have been looking for that towel for about five months. I know that my daughter needed that sandal last spring for her school dance, but we couldn’t find it, and had to buy a new pair. So, I guess, I’d have to say definitely the sandal.”

Okay then. Loretta, what is on your tray? I see four fruit snacks covered in lint and grit, a dryer sheet, five binkies, a dog bone, a leathery apple core, a pair of children’s underwear, an old diaper, a handful of various dry cereals like Cheerios, a vacuum cleaner attachment, a plastic child’s plate with dried mac and cheese on it. What is this? A snake? Oh, it’s a string of rubber off of a rubber base board. Okay, we finish up your tray with a burp rag, and a broken birthday candle with dried frosting on the edges and a $50 bill. Which of these items, Loretta, is the one missing the longest?

“Now I know why my husband was $50 short from his last paycheck. This money must have fallen out of his pocket! But for the item missing the longest, I would definitely say it’s the diaper. There has been a funny smell in our family room for a month or so. The dog was sniffing around the couch a few days ago, but I thought he was trying to lick that syrup off the cushion from where my son, Benny, tipped his plate over.”

Okay, Loretta, we’ll go with the diaper then. Now that you’ve mentioned the syrup stain, are there any other noteworthy stains you’d like to mention?

“This stain on top is from when my daughter, Juju, threw up after drinking three glasses of grape juice before jumping on the couch for twenty minutes like a trampoline. It took us a week for the smell to clear. And these black marks are from when my husband Roy, gets home from the tire factory and his arms are dirty, but he sits right here to watch TV until I give him his dinner. Speaking of Roy’s dinner, this stain is from the time I gave him a bowl of Spaghettios and the dog jumped right up in his lap and knocked his food right out of his hand and this one….”

Thank you, Loretta, that is all we have time for. We can only mention a few noteworthy stains per contestant. And now, Sally, do you have any stains you’d like to mention briefly?

“This is where my daughter spilled a bottle of Fire Engine Red nail polish and tried to wipe it up with my good kitchen towel, here. And this is the spot where my son sat on a handful of blueberries when he didn’t look before he planted his behind. This spot is where our cat hacked up a hairball. I also want to point out the tear here on the opposite side of this throw pillow, that was my son again, playing around with his pocket knife, the big goof ball! And if you notice the fraying on the sides here, that is where our cat uses the couch for a scratching post.”

Okay ladies, than you for those interesting comments. We’ll now hear a few words from our sponsors while the judges tally the scores to determine our winner. We’ll be right back.

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, we are about to reveal the scores between our two contestant’s couches. There are five categories of scores which add up to 1,000 points. As I mentioned earlier, we have scores for general condition of the furniture, worth 500 points. The condition of the throw pillows is worth 100 points. Another 100 points for the item missing the longest, 100 points for the most disgusting item found, 100 points for  the most unrecognizable item found and finally, 100 points for the history of the piece for a combined total of 1,000 points. Now let’s see how our contestants did. Sally and Loretta, here we go.

Sally; let’s take your couch first. For physical condition, your couch rates 300 out of 500 for stains and general appearance. Your throw pillows are reasonably fluffy, but one of them is torn, bringing your score to a 75 out of 100. Another 75 out of 100 for the missing sandal. We determined the most disgusting item was the moldy watermelon rind and the most unrecognizable item was the wilted lettuce leaves. You get 180 out of 200 there and 50 out of 100 for the history of the piece bringing your combined total score to 680 out of 1000.

Loretta, your couch wins a 450 out of 500 for physical appearance, your throw pillows are a definite 100 out of 100 for thinness, mis-matchedness and dilapidated condition. Again, another 100 out of 100 for the missing object, the dirty diaper. Glad we could solve that mysterious smell problem for you, by the way. The most unrecognizable object was the rubber base board snake and the most disgusting items were the hairy fruit snacks, and that’s only because we can’t count the diaper twice. Those win you 185 out of 200 and for the history of the piece you score 70 out of 100 bringing your total combined score to 905 out of 1,000. That  makes you our winner! Congratulations!

Here is your trophy for Couch Most Needing to be Cleaned. You also win $500 in cash and a gift certificate for another $1500 to Home Decorations R Us. Maybe you can use it to buy a couch cover to you don’t need to throw a blanket over this couch anymore.

Sally, as our second place contestant, we are pleased to present you with this Dust Buster. Hopefully, it will helpful for cleaning under your cushions in the future.  A big thank you to both of our contestants for sharing their couches with us and being on the show today.

That’s all our time for now. Please join us for future episodes of Adventures in House Keeping, including cleaning under the kitchen sink, cleaning out the linen closet, and cleaning your junk drawer. Remember, if you want to clean it out, you could clean it out for cash!

Thank you to our studio audience; this is Jay Frisbee signing off.

(C) 2012 Amy Bambilla. All Rights Reserved.

Spring Cleaning

Spring Cleaning or the Annual Purge

Ah! Spring Cleaning- that time, once a year, when somehow our instincts kick in and compel us to purge from our lives all superfluous objects unnecessary to our existence. Depending on how committed of a pack rat we are, we can manage to ignore those natural urges, mentally rationalizing why we need these little bits of things that fill our drawers, our desks, our garages and attics.

However, no matter how good the reasons we present to ourselves, in a moment of weakness, our cleanly DNA will give a final command and we yield, whether in a small measure or great. In small measure, we may remove a few items of clothing from our drawers; something that doesn’t fit us, a sock we have lost the mate to, or the t-shirt that is covered in paint splotches from the time we obeyed another natural impulse and beautified something in our home or yard.

If small measures are all we are able to take, we can still applaud. We have appeased our internal urge to bring some order to our lives, even if it’s just in the sock drawer, and so we can go on peacefully. That is, until some other insane notion snags us and we find ourselves in the midst of a big renovation project or something of the like.

If, however, we fall completely under the power of our purging instinct, we have the dreaded likelihood that by the time we are through going through each drawer, cupboard, dresser, and closet, we will have good reason to call this episode of Spring Cleaning “The Great Exodus”.

I have always been rather a late person, though often I have legitimate excuses for those lenient enough to allow me them. Yes, I could have had my four children up at 5:30 to make sure we had the house tidy, breakfast eaten, been all dressed and waiting to leave the house with ample time for traffic conditions. But, if anyone knows how cheerful any kid is to be awoken at 5:30 and commanded to perform several tasks before departure, you will know why I woke them up at 7:30 instead and why we are five minutes late.

Therefore, it stands true to my own character that Spring Cleaning has in reality become Summer Cleaning. You may think that is actually better for now I have longer days with which to organize myself and the help of my progeny, since they are unoccupied with studies. You must realize, though, that I have had the voice of the Tidy-Up DNA ringing in my brain for the past several months, and had I yielded to it when it first began to whisper, I could have gotten by with cleaning out all the clothes that no longer fit the growing weeds I call my offspring and gotten away with it.

Sadly, I have been putting off the cleaning event, for very good reasons, mind you; I do keep a busy schedule. But my brain is not that lenient at accepting my own excuses. No, now I have a raging rant commanding me to get rid of everything in my home and move into a tent, just to simplify my life. In short, I am facing the Great Exodus.

Before you go ahead and say, ‘what’s wrong with getting rid of everything and living in a tent?’ I will tell you that I have done that very thing and there is nothing wrong with it. But a tent is not the ideal situation for a family of six and therefore I have to try and create order within the chaos contained by these walls.

I must take a side note for just a moment, and say that I am completely disgusted with the fact that chaos has returned to the drawers and closets I cleaned out so thoroughly just twelve months before. Didn’t I say at the beginning that this is an annual affliction?

Back to my point. Since I am compelled to do a deep cleaning, I realize I will need a certain number of days to complete that task. ‘Why is that?’ you may ask, ‘I only have a three bedroom house, it can’t take that long to go through it.’ No, it wouldn’t take that long, if I could only pause every single person in my entire family. I could go through their belongings, unfreezing each them one at a time, only long enough to try on a pair of pants to see if they are too short or ask them if they really play with the toy that was given to them five years ago. That would be an ideal way to get things done in very little time.

As you may have remember, while I only have a three bedroom house, I have four children and a few pets, who, while I am working on one room of the house, can be wreaking havoc on all the other parts of the house. Therefore, I must take periodic breaks from the purging of all superfluous items in our home, to come and restore order to any given area.

Fortunately, at the ages my children are now, I can restore order by simply issuing a few commands. “You, pick up all the wrappers lying around here, what have you been eating, anyway?”

“You, rinse these dishes and load them into the dishwasher, we’ll be eating with our fingers if you don’t!”

“You, pick up all the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper in the laundry room. IN the hamper, not on the floor in front of the hamper!”

“And you – put away these toys/markers/games that you left out. Remember, before you go on to the next thing, put the first thing away, that way there won’t be any messes like this!”

Having whirled in and shouted out orders with the efficiency of a drill sergeant, I return to my purging process in whatever room I am working on at the time, returning in ten minutes to peek and see if my darlings are obeying my directives. Half of the time, I have to re-issue my instructions, but half of the time I am pleasantly surprised to see movement and compliance, leaving me the freedom to return to my own work in a satisfied state of mind.

Once the drawers, closets, cupboards, nooks and crannies of my entire household have been gone through and organized, I am left with a giant pile in the garage. Every year, without fail, I marvel at the amount of things we are ready to get rid of. How did we accumulate all of these possessions? What were we thinking when we bought that?

Perhaps there are few items that we thought would be more useful than they actually were. There are things that we had high hopes for, but haven’t actually touched more than twice in ten years, so they can now be released to some other person who may find it more helpful than we did. There are the things that work fine, but have been replaced with something more in-style or more suited to our current whims. There are the clothes that the kids have outgrown, as well as the outfits that I wonder what I was thinking when I bought! How did I think I would be able to pull that look off? No, that little lapse in fashion judgment goes into the pile, to be gotten rid of with all the rest.

Now that the Great Exodus of Superfluous Items had become the Great Pile in the Garage, it’s time for the Annual Garage Sale which always follows the purging process. Somehow I know there are things in that pile which have no more use to me except to be sold to another person who may find a use for it themselves. ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’ is one of my personal creeds. I have found many handy items in my own yard saling adventures, so I know others will as well.

Thus begins the sorting, arranging and price stickering process that can take several days, remember, that the size of the Pile is considerable. My husband always says to just put it out in the middle of the yard and let people dig through it, but I shudder at his comments. I know this is not a good marketing strategy if we want to clear out these useful but unwanted treasures, and so I organize the Pile. Dishes in this area, books on that table, toys in the bins, big stuff on that side of the lawn; it makes more sense that way. I’m sure all of our customers will appreciate it.

The day of the Garage Sale begins, I am up bright and early setting out the wares, and my husband puts up the signs. People flock in and many things leave our home to find places in someone else’s life. At the end of the Sale, everything remaining is boxed up and brought to Good Will. I sigh in relief, the house is clean, the garage is emptied, and we have money in our pockets.

What to do with all of our riches? Let’s go shopping! By now, it is Fall and the gathering and nesting instinct is upon us. After all, who knows what kinds of things we will need to keep us through the winter? So we must go out and buy it now, just in case, before we are caught without it. Besides, if we didn’t go out and buy something, what else would we have to clean next Spring? 

(c) 2012 Amy Bambilla. All Rights Reserved.