Bad Timing

Bad Timing

Have you ever noticed that kids are born with a rotten sense of timing? We love them dearly, but let’s face it; they are natural experts in picking the most inconvenient time for things.

Let’s start with birth – have any of you had a child that did not disrupt a major part of your day to be born? Okay, a couple of you, but I bet the majority of gals are like myself. They have been kept awake all night long with labor pains. None of my four darling children took less than 18 hours to make their entrance – so you know I went without sleep for all of them!

Then there’s the pesky little habit those newborns have of needing to be fed every two or three hours. Of course we want them to grow and thrive, but at 2AM we are thinking that it would be great if they fasted for just five hours so we could form at least one coherent thought for the day. Be assured, my babies were never neglected, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t notice that the timing for some of those feedings could have been better!

How about toddlers?! If there’s anyone with a bad sense of timing, they are the ones! I remember one of my little darlings having a big melt-down in the middle of a mall. He was screaming and kicking his feet, rolling under a bench, all the while my husband and I stood helplessly by, sure that if we even touched him someone would report us for child abuse. Finally Hubs pulled himself together long enough to scoop the little stinker up and we dashed for the nearest exit. People shook their heads at us, wondering at what kind of parents we must be. I’ll tell you, we were parents who didn’t get to finish many a shopping trip because of the poor timing our children had for needing naps whenever we took them out in public.

Potty training – there’s bad timing in spades! There are the desperate runs to the bathroom, if a store even has a public restroom (which some don’t!) There are the wet car seats/pants/underwear to deal with because they just couldn’t hold it. Their sense of timing was off and they forgot to tell us until it was already coming out. Yes, bad timing has created several loads of laundry, that’s for sure.

Poor bathroom timing doesn’t stop when they finally become regular toilet users either! My kids even up to 12 years old will wait until we are 10 minutes out from the house to tell me they have to go “really bad”, when we had a perfectly good bathroom they could have used before we got in the car!!

“Why didn’t you go before we left?” is my standard rant, when they spring this little surprise on me.

“I didn’t have to go then.” The classic reply never fails to cause a little teeth clenching.

 My husband was in despair for a few years because it seemed we could never eat out at a restaurant without one of the boys needing to go “number two”. My man is one of those men who prefer the privacy of their own home for that sort of thing, but since we were always in the middle of a meal, he had to escort the boys to the men’s room and stand uncomfortably by while the kid used a less than pristine pot.

“Can’t you remind him to go before we leave?” he’d say to me, directly after the announcement that another trip to the bathroom was needed. I’d just shrug. If only he knew how many potty trips I’ve taken, he’d realize how little sympathy I have for him at this point!

How about bed time? The minute I tell the kids it’s time for bed, they are suddenly hungry and thirsty. So severely so, that if I don’t let them have a bowl of cereal right away, they may die in their sleep! Their father, the sympathetic one (as long as it doesn’t involve a dirty bathroom) tells them to go ahead and have a snack. Half an hour goes by. I remind them all that they are supposed to be going to bed. Sounds of giggling and laughter come from the kitchen.

Of course, all evening these kids have been grousing and tattle-telling on one another. It’s been a long day at school and their good manners are used up. They make mean comments and start arguments about every little goofy thing until I am at my wit’s end. As soon as I send them to bed, they have to eat, but they also get nicer. They are laughing, joking, getting along, just how I would have liked to have them earlier. Instead, they bring out that kind of sweetness just when I must send them to their rooms for the night. What bad timing! I would like to enjoy some of the light hearted banter, but I know if I do, they’ll be grouchy in the morning.

 Often, when it’s time for lights out, my daughter chooses that time to confide in me, she shares all kinds of funny thoughts and little insights into herself. I can hardly get her to be quiet. I don’t even really want her to be, she’s an interesting little creature, and yet – it’s not good timing. Pretty soon the other kids are wondering why she gets to stay up and talk and they have to go to bed? “It’s not fair!” they say. Bad timing isn’t fair to anyone!

Occasionally we can throw in the emotional melt-down that requires a long heart to heart talk, right before bed or time to leave for school. Those things cannot be put off, but they’re never easy to schedule.

We can’t leave out the inevitable sicknesses that come our way. Of course, those aren’t really the kids’ fault, but still unfortunately inconvenient nonetheless. How many big dates have been cancelled or days missed from work because our little darlings have sniffles, tummy-aches, or fevers? How many times have we been puked on because they didn’t start running to the bathroom quickly enough? We stay awake at night counting their breaths. We dash in to the clinic at odd hours, if the Dr. has an opening, we will do our best to make it. Come to think of it, there is no really good time for anybody to get sick.

Of course, we can’t forget school and/or homework. There’s another prime example of poor timing! Kids are famous for telling their parents the night before that they have a project of the solar system complete with diorama due the next day. Many’s the report a mother has half-written just to help the kid get it done in time. (Of course, it does make you feel good when the teacher comments “Nice voice” on the lines you put in. At least someone appreciates you!)

Sometimes they need 25 cupcakes for a class party tomorrow, or they’re having a potluck and promised you’d bring pizza. They might need a costume for the school play this afternoon. Or they told a friend you’d be happy to give them a ride somewhere when you have an appointment on the other side of town. They may have also invited someone for an overnighter and you find out when they show up at the front door with their sleeping bag.

And then there’s the band uniform that needs to be clean for a school concert the next day, (sports uniform could be substituted just as easily.) Birthday parties you find out about 3 hours before they’re supposed to start-( “But I promised him I’d come, Mom!”) The list goes on and on.

Kids – their timing stinks! But, what can we do? The cheeky little buggers are just so darn cute!

The Bible says, “My times are in Your hands.” (Ps. 31:15) I guess if He directs our path, we can give our sense of timing to the Lord. He will give us grace through the inconveniences we face and help to grow our patience as well. He works all things together for good.

And now, before we leave, does anybody have to go to the bathroom?

©2012 Amy Bambilla. All Rights Reserved.